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We've been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered several hardships, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her partner walked away, which came as a huge shock. Several of her social circle disappeared at that point, as they were drawn to the spouse. This surprised her. She put in greater energy to be my friend, and must have grasped better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Over the years, quite a few in her circle vanished leaving her sure why. Her last employer became hostile, even though she had been very skilled at her work, she departed not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we've both stepped back from work and are seeing time together, yet I realize my role between us feels one-sided. I start discussion points and she changes the talk toward her own topics. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to recommend double-checking information and alternate views.

She is planning a trip to a nation I've visited many times even called home for a while. My intention was to share advice, but this was met with resistance. She really just desired validation of her choices. I've just come back from 30 days there and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she will ever comprehend the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, but it is seldom the peaceful resolution that we desire. But confrontation with a view to a solution demands strength and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern when you talk. It should be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. Step two is to express the way it makes you feel. There should be no dispute here. Emotions belong to you, naturally. Step three is to ask how you are both can shift the interaction of your friendship."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, meaning you must to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"Now you talk while I will remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably successful for promoting mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

This person could ignore everything, since certain individuals cling to a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a story about themselves they cannot let go of as it feels essential depends upon it and it represents familiar to them. This is difficult as there is no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. Yet she could at first react like this and then think on your words. And even if you never reach a fix, it will give you satisfaction from having been open and direct.